Bringing Them Home
Janie Levine Hellyer
(I have inserted a few comments
from me in brackets and blue.)
You've made the decision to bring home an older child. [All of this article
applies to bringing home younger children as well; and also to
"coming home" from too much "school at home".] Perhaps you've experienced problems at school, had health problems or your child is
simply bored to death with the typical classroom experience. No matter
what the reason for bringing the young person home, the first question is
usually: "What do I do now?"
While there are plenty of folks out there who
are ready and willing to provide you with the answer to that question, let me
suggest that there is no one answer right for every family and young person. While it's more time consuming to explore your options and take into
consideration such things as personal interests, learning styles and availability of resources, it will be well worth the time and effort.
The Love of Learning:
Think back to when your child was very young. Do you remember the look of
excitement on your child's face when he or she made a new discovery? Remember how proud
he or she was when a new skill was mastered? When our children are very young we understand that each child has
their own timetable. We allow them to learn as they are ready, trying not to push, but to provide encouragement. Our children learn so much in those early years.
At about 4 or 5 years of age many of us begin to start to change how we think about children and learning. We begin
to think that there are certain skills each and every child should master at certain ages, and that
age should also dictate which learning
experiences children should have. Most schools function on these beliefs.
What happens is this: the child who is developing at the level of the given timetable gets
along well in the system. Children who are developing at other rates (either
slower or more quickly) and those with interests other than those presented in the program are not well served. They can become either bored or frustrated and can quickly lose the love of learning they had
as preschoolers. The older child who is being brought home has had years of such
experiences affecting his or her overall attitude about learning.
So here you are, homeschooling your 13-year-old son. You have a small
fortune invested in recreation equipment, bicycles, books, games and toys. It's 10a.m. and you're attempting to have a cup of coffee when your son enters the room and announces, "MOM... there's nothing to do and I'm bored!!"
As adults this
is difficult for us to understand until we look at the schedule this young
person has kept for the past seven years.
Children in school have precious little time for themselves. From a very young age they are told what to do and when to do it. The typical 7th grader has a schedule that goes something like this:
7 am: time to get up, have breakfast and dress for school
9 am: school begins with English class
10 am: science
11 am: history
12 o'clock is lunch
1 pm is physical education
2 pm math
3 pm is time to go home
4 to 6 is chores, sports or music lessons
6 pm is dinner
7-9:30 is homework
10 pm is bedtime
A young person with such a schedule soon grows dependent upon it and has
difficulties knowing what to do when something isn't planned for him. The
youngster who announces that he is bored may require a "weaning away" period when brought home from school.
The easiest thing to do for the parent is to provide a schedule similar to the one the young person had in school. This does not, however, solve
the problem of dependence. Parents with the goal of nurturing
independent learners will need to spend time doing things with the young
person, encouraging him to pursue his interests and most of all, renewing
the parent-child bond, helping him to regain a healthy sense of security.
Back in the mid-1980's a well-respected education "think tank" made some
excellent suggestions on how middle school education could be improved,
1. Put the textbooks away and have more activity-based learning experiences.
2. Place young people in small groups.
3. Do not have the children change classes or instructors... have them in one room with one adult teacher during the school day. Children of this age are learning about social interaction, and if they change classes and instructors, they will not bond with the adult or get to actually know their fellow students.
4. Encourage students to explore their personal interests instead of having a set curriculum.
5. Have all students out in the community working on some sort of community
service project during the school year.
This sounded a whole lot like what we did at home! While some in
the education community obviously read the paper and suggestions, it was regarded by the educational establishment as an impossible thing. Well, perhaps traditional schools cannot provide this type of environment, but we certainly can at home!
With this more "natural' environment, young people learn about relationships, how to work together, how our communities function and the need for community involvement. At the same time, they will
develop motivation not often found in traditionally educated young people of the same age.
There are two basic types of motivation. Intrinsic motivation comes
from inside, is natural, inherent, and is joyful. Learning that takes place because it is intrinsically motivated is
real learning and is something the child
can draw upon later in life. It is remembered. Intrinsic
motivation generally happens when there is personal interest or need.
Extrinsic motivation is something we feel we have to do for one reason
or another. While some external motivation is common in life, take just a
minute and consider what life would be like if everything you did was
motivated by some external force or something you believed you had to do. It doesn't sound like a very happy existence, does it?
Well, that is exactly how many of our school children view their lives... as
if they have no say in what they read, what they do or how they spend their time.
[This is only because that's exactly
how their lives have been!]
When we take children out of the school setting and give them freedom,
they often don't have any idea what to do in the beginning. As I stated earlier, most of us find that there is a weaning-away period. During this time we need to provide interesting things to do part of the time, some suggestions, and at the same time allow the young person some time for himself.
Healing and Renewal:
Many children, when they come home after a school experience, are not
happy young people. They may be suffering from fatigue or burnout, or perhaps they
feel less than valuable. Whether physical or emotional, the hurt that so many children suffer requires healing.
When an older child is brought home, parents often find that the child
they love is a stranger to them. They don't know the child's interests or how
he feels about much of anything. They aren't sure how well their child reads
or does math... report cards seldom tell us what we need to know about
basic skills. The first few months become a time of getting to know each other,
of learning the likes and dislikes, taking time to do things together... and a time for both individual and family renewal and healing.
Get your priorities straight... remember that nurturing a happy and
healthy young person who feels secure and loved is much more important
than memorizing time tables or history dates. A young person who knows how
to solve problems and find answers to his questions will get along better in adult life than one who is
dependent upon being spoon-fed information or spent great amounts of time memorizing a limited amount of information. It's
simply impossible to memorize all that is necessary to function in life today.
So where do you begin? Many families find that sharing a hobby or other
personal interest with their child is a great place to start. Let's say you spend some of your time working on craft projects. Include your child!
This is an opportunity not only to share the skills you have but also to talk about how you became interested, where you learned the skills and how you went about finding information you needed. Whether you are restoring an old car or baking cakes,
sharing the experience with your child can bring you closer.
Perhaps your child already has an interest in learning a new skill. Help
him learn to find information and answers to his questions. Encourage him
to pursue his interest. Enjoy his company and let him enjoy yours. You are
practicing the fine art and science of parenting.
All of this is learning! Without even knowing it, you've already started building a curriculum. Your child will very likely acquire all the skills he needs during the coming years. Think of homeschooling as an apprenticeship to adult life and living.
More Formal Studies:
There is nothing wrong with pursuing more formal studies at home as long
as you don't attempt to recreate a school setting.
Many young people
themselves will list areas of study they wish to pursue. Here are a few
helpful suggestions for those who choose to pursue a more formal learning program.
A good "family" schedule helps most of us. Having family meals at
regular times helps us plan our individual activities so we can also have time together. When thinking about a schedule for learning, remember to keep it flexible. Attending an art show or visiting Grandma are not disruptions to learning... they are an important part of it!
[Moms! Dads, too! I hope you are
hearing this! I have seen far too many kids miss out on far too
much of the "real stuff" of LIFE because of their parents'
narrowly focused vision of "education"! Allow God to
Most homeschoolers find they don't need to go out and buy textbooks for every
subject. The library has interesting books on every subject, and many subjects are better learned in ways other than reading from a textbook. [AMEN from Barb!] When using textbooks, remember to use them as a tool and a resource, and don't allow them to control the learning. [And again: AMEN!!!]
Choosing Areas of Study:
There may be subjects your state requires homeschoolers to study, some you as parents believe are necessary. It is essential that young
people have some amount of control over what they are learning, when they
want to study and how they will go about the learning process. When "required" subjects are presented, discuss the subject and how it relates to your child and to life. Young people who are presented with subjects they do not see as relevant seldom learn much.
Of all the questions and concerns regarding homeschooling, socialization
remains at the top of the list for most. The fact is, socialization
happens. Young people do not need to be surrounded by others of the same age for many hours each day After all, as adults we socialize with people of many ages. Most homeschoolers cultivate a circle of friends in their neighborhood, at church or other youth activities they participate in.
Homeschoolers are generally more at ease with a wide range of age groups than are
their schooled peers. If your child has had a negative social experience at
school, you may need to help her find positive experiences. Scouts, church
groups, 4-H and homeschool groups are good places to begin.
Life and living is one continuous educational experience you will now
share with your child. You are beginning what can be a wonderful adventure...
one that will build a strong individual, a close family and memories that will last a lifetime. Yes, it will take some time to become
re-acquainted with your son or daughter... to learn the individual likes and dislikes and become familiar with how your child learns. But can you think of anything more important than getting to know your child?
I promise it will be well-worth the time you invest. This is an investment in the future of your child!
article, used with permission from the author,
appeared in FLEx (magazine), Issue 77, Spring 1996
by the way, is an acronym for "Family Learning Exchange")
The author may be contacted by e-mail at: FmlyLrngEx@aol.com
FLEx / PO Box 5629 / Olympia, WA 98509-5629