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Goals of Child Training
by Pastor Reb Bradley
Fathers, do not exasperate your
children;
instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
Eph. 6:4
One of the biggest problems for parents today is that they work hard at training and instructing their children about the Lord and His ways, but lack a clearly defined goal for that training. They know they want their children to know God and to have godly character, but they are not sure what the final product is supposed to look like. It is as though they are baking a dessert, yet don't know if it is an ice cream cake or a peach cobbler, and they keep throwing in sweet ingredients, hoping the results will be edible.
It would be far better for parents to define their goal and then create a plan to accomplish it. There is truth to the saying "If you aim at nothing, you will always hit it." Christian parents must have a clearly defined target for their children's growth.
In order to determine if we are accomplishing God's goals for child rearing, we must first identify them. As Christian parents, our most obvious goal is to bring our children to salvation. Second to that, God's most basic goal for training children is encapsulated in Ephesians 6:4. There parents are told regarding their children to "...bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." The Greek word for "bring them up" holds the key. That word is ektrepho, which means: to rear up to maturity. The primary goal then, of training and instruction, is to rear up children to maturity. For us to bring children to maturity will require that we have a clear definition of what maturity is.
What is Maturity?
Based on a broad study of the Old Testament and a concentrated study of Proverbs, it is clear that maturity is characterized by three elements: self-control, wisdom, and responsibility, which can be defined as follows:
Self-control: not being ruled by passions, emotions, desires, wishes, or curiosity; freedom from having to do what one feels like doing; the ability to choose to do what is right; [all this] fosters the selflessness necessary for love of others.
Wisdom: understanding; insight; ability to learn from experience; ability to make sound decisions; handling stressful problems with a level head; [all] possible only when not ruled by passions (self-controlled)
Responsibility: accepting personal accountability for one's own actions; faithful and conscientious work habits; integrity; reliability; [all] possible only when not ruled by passions (self-control)
How Is Maturity Developed?
Maturity is rooted primarily in self-control which, in turn, facilitates growth in wisdom and responsibility. The most basic objective of training children, therefore, is the subduing of their self-will. From the time children are born, parents must develop in them the ability to say "NO" to their own desires and "YES" to their parents. That is why parental control of young children is imperative. A child who learns to deny his own desires and submit to his parent's controls gains inner controls.
Children are born into the world self-centered, and so must be trained from infancy that the world does not revolve around them. They must learn that life will not always give them their way. Susanna Wesley, who raised seventeen children including John and Charles Wesley, put it this way:
"The parent who studies to subdue [self-will] in his child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the devil's work, makes religion impossible, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body forever."
The child whose will is never subdued when young comes to believe that he should have what he wants when he wants it, and should not have to endure anything he does not like. He will grow older thinking he is being deprived whenever he does not get what he wants from life, and by his teen years he will become preoccupied with his "rights" and know little of personal responsibility. The indulged child is frequently angry because he does not get what he thinks is owed him. Ultimately, he will develop a "victim mentality" – nothing is ever his fault – someone else is always to blame for his misery.
Some parents believe that maturity is an inevitable part of growing up and will happen naturally to all children, whether trained or not. Proper rearing of children, in their view, requires only that a parent love them, take them to church, and try to give them a happy childhood. To them, maturity is a guaranteed by-product of getting older, so they do little to help the process, and, without realizing it, do much to hurt it. All children, unless calamity occurs, will grow older, but only those groomed toward maturity will attain it. Hence, as parents, we must work diligently to help our children develop the qualities leading to maturity.
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This is excerpted from the book Child Training Tips
by
Pastor Reb Bradley who has a far-reaching ministry to families in many areas such as marriage, homeschooling, child training, anger, raising teens, dealing with lust, the effects of television, the godly roles of husband, wife, and parents, and dating and courtship. His wisdom and practical advice in these areas are life-giving to those who are tired of the "old" and ready to move into God's "newness of life"! (We sell several of their books and resources in several sections of our
online catalog.)
~~~~~~~~~
I
got the crayon background at:
and
the bear 'n' honey at:
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